HI!!!! October 22, 2008
Posted by explicitdistortion in Follow your instincts, Hopeless Rom-antics, Persona, Uncategorized.add a comment
hey guys!! Yeah i know, i am back from the dead :)
So let me give you a little recap on my life:
For the last few weeks I have been trying to decipher a few things about my being. I had been lost, and up until a few months ago i decided to accept myself as who i am…
and fuck the rest.
I began to explore myself, and found that….
I couldn’t be more fucking lost.
Here’s what i gathered so far:
1) I like hamburgers and salads
when i think of salads…. i think of the colors and vibrancy of the vegetation and its nutritional potential for the future.
When i think of a hamburger…. I think of the thick, juicy meat. I think of the enjoyment and bliss it will bring me the moment i stick it in my mouth.
2) I am partial to nipple play. (thank you)
3) I can make out for hours….(thank you again)
4) I rather like smoking cigarettes
and finally,
5) I have a fear of nearing adulthood neither being happy nor fulfilled . :/
I dont know where my instincts are taking me, but its not a very comfortable place… Does that mean i am on the right track? or just a fucking dumb ass?
Curiosity Killed the Cat and Won Me 100 Dollars. August 19, 2008
Posted by explicitdistortion in Follow your instincts, Persona, Recommended Posts.Tags: Family, Life, Trust
3 comments
My mother is great, and i love her dearly. She is very supportive and is always there for me. Still, there are times when she crosses the very broad line of privacy. I am not talking about the fine line of privacy between mother and child. I am fucking talking about the line of eavesdropping. I am talking about Putting-your-ear-on-the-door-to-listen, kinda shit.
I was in my bedroom.
I had the door shut (this was for no particular reason).
I was double lining with friends on my cell phone as well as talking to a number of people on my computer. The conversation on the phone was with a girl who had a crush and wanted to have two of her friend witness her confession (i know, totally high school).
On my computer, i was talking shit with most of my friends. The exeption was my cousin. I was telling him a great number of things. My life, and my secrets…
Everything.
This was a very serious conversation, so naturally i was in and out of the gossip occuring in my left ear.
At this moment, I got an IM from someone i want very little to do with. My natural response was to voice my irritation. I began to whine. “Ah, this guy doesn’t-” I stopped myself before the whole slanderous phrase could permeate the door.
Instinct struck me.
I got up and swung open the door. My eyes glaring: Ready to meet the eyes of my mother who i know would be in the shadows.
I was correct. My mother had been trying to eavesdrop on my conversation.
“Your grandfather is making noise so i came to check up on him” she said in a composed fashion. “shitty excuse”, i thought to myself.
My eyes remained fixed on hers for a few moments. I wanted to make sure she knew that i was silently calling her out on her shitty ass lie.
I shook my head as i turned my back on her and went back into my room. “Cant fucking believe this shit!”, I repeated to myself over and over.
An hour later, my mother came back to my room with embarasment all over her face. “Papo, i am leaving to Bimini early tomorrow morning, and here is some money.”
“Bitch, i don’t want your damn money! You think you can buy me or some shit?!?”, i yelled in my mind while I nodded, not saying a word. She placed the 100 dollar bill on my nightstand and left.
Now i am wondering who should feel bad?
I mean, she was probably just trying to make sure that nothing bad was going on. Although that may be true, she still invaded my privacy and questioned my trustworthiness.
I, on the other hand treated the situation badly. I protected my privacy, but i could have handled her intrusion better.
It seems she is readily crossing lines and willing to suffer awkwardness.:(
I forgive her because i love her and i cant bare being angry with her. I just hope this doesn’t become something frequent and annoying.
Spiritual Seekage August 10, 2008
Posted by explicitdistortion in Follow your instincts, Spiritual Seekage.1 comment so far
Hey guys,
Sorry i have not posted these past two days.
I have been wanting to become more spiritual. This is because when i allow myself to be spiritual, things flow better.
I am not a strong believer of numerology, but i believe there is some truth to it. Having said that, i am going to go on a fast and meditate as much as possible for 10 days (meaning rebirth). My real goal would have to 19 or 28 days, but i have to start small. This in part, will weaken my physical body and allow my spiritual to take control. I cant wait 
My hopes are that i will become in tune with myself and the world around me. This in part will also help me creatively and mentally.
I will keep you guys posted on whats going on.
Stuck Between a Rock and a Hard Place… August 7, 2008
Posted by explicitdistortion in Follow your instincts, Recommended Posts.Tags: Family, Friends, Life, Love
1 comment so far
Dear reader,
This is a metaphor of a problem that is shaking my world and making it fall into shambles.
For years now, I have had a pair of suspenders that I love very dearly. They were always there when I needed their support, their hold, and their embrace – always ready to be worn unconditionally.
A close friend.
Although for a while I regretfully stopped using them and lived my life without their greatly needed support, it was because I was afraid their elasticity was not enough to bear what I had been wearing.
I recently gave up that life and came back to my suspenders, hoping they would allow themselves to be worn again.
They graciously agreed.
“I have to tell him what I need to tell him,” my instincts commanded me.
To my surprise, my suspenders took to the weight of my clothes very well, hardly stretching.
But as time went on, I could see a few bands being exposed from the weight. “Hardly noticeable,” I thought to myself, not giving too much thought.
I was happy, confident that my suspenders would neither tear nor lose their elasticity to my choice of clothes.
Last week, unfortunately, I came across a pair of pants that neither my suspenders nor I ever encountered in person – a completely new material altogether. “Let’s try these out,” I said to myself. “I have never tried them, and who knows, maybe I would like them. I have a right to be happy too,” I assured myself.
I was a little weary because I wasn’t sure my suspenders would take to these pants as well as I did.
And today I am noticing great flaws in my suspenders; they seem not to be elastic anymore. Many bands are exposed, making my suspenders look tired and worn. Have I pushed my suspenders too far? They seem to be accepting the pants, only because of their shape and not because of their elasticity (which is greatly lacking).
Have I pushed my suspenders so far beyond their threshold that they will no longer support my style of clothes?
My style of life?
“Maybe he was not meant to hear anything at all,” I whisper to myself every day now.
Have my instincts failed me?
Keep Your Friends Close…your enemies can fuck themselves. July 29, 2008
Posted by explicitdistortion in Follow your instincts, Recommended Posts.Tags: Enemies, Friends
1 comment so far
I always expected that I had good friends. True, after high school we didn’t speak much, but I thought our friendships were oriented and steadfast. Still, some friendships are as strong as they are frail, easily altered by unexpected circumstances.
I was chatting with an old friend last week because I felt like I needed to tell him something that I never said to anyone before. I was wary to tell him.
“He can be trusted,” I assured myself.
I wanted to tell him not for the attention, but for the support that I knew he would give. In my mind there was no reason why I was going to keep it from him any longer.
I began to tell him my life’s story, my downfalls, and my survival. Little by little I felt my burden being lifted as I read his replies of comfort.
After I completed summarizing my life in the little AIM window, I was filled with glee. I had finally rid myself of my afflictions and pain, and it was all thanks to my supportive friend.
A couple of days later, I discovered that my dear friend deleted me from his friends on Facebook. I called his phone and there was no answer. I sent various text messages – nothing. It turns out that this two-faced son of a bitch was too afraid to be my friend.
This foul, sorry excuse of a human is too dimwitted to accept someone for who they are, and too moronic to actually think that my existence would cease the moment he took me off his friends list.
Do us all a favor, blowjob, and fade away.
-Follow your instincts.
Follow your instincts July 27, 2008
Posted by explicitdistortion in Follow your instincts, Recommended Posts.Tags: Follow your instincts
2 comments
I arrived home at around two in the morning. Usually when i get home this late I go to my parents bedroom and announce to my mother that i’d arrived. I ignored this habit and went directly to my bathroom. while taking a shower i was wondering whether or not i should tell my mother that i was home. Once out of the shower i went to my room and began getting dressed to go to bed, my mind was still spinning. I thought, for the most part, that i shouldnt go and tell her. I just felt like i shouldnt. I waited for a moment on my bed and looked at the clock on my nightstand. 3:15. I got up, despite my gut feeling of not going, went to my parents door, and opened it.
- I walked in on my parents while they were making whoopie.
Follow your instincts.
